Why do I practice ashtanga
Why do I practice Ashtanga?
I’m gonna say it just like that: Ashtanga Mysore Style saved my life.
Confused brain
My brain tends to trick me. It thinks I’m in great danger. So it is on high alert, most of the time. You know… Just in case… Yeah… It’s exhausting…
Too much
I am a functional human. I have a very high quality of life. The luxury of time, love, and no real money struggle. A lovely husband who sleeps next to me and an amazing daughter who I love more every day. But I share that beautiful life with another life companion; a very invasive, overwhelming OCD/phobia. EVERY hour of my day, I have a thought related to my phobia. Evaluating the risks, analyzing ways to control my environment.I fully understand a phobia is a construction of my brain… but still, it's the Monster that dictates my kingdom.
My everyday goal (after making sure my daughter is taken care of) is to keep the anxiety level to a manageable number. Usually I can “control” it, but if I fail, I’m waiting for the day to end.
I know, it's a lot. I’m a lot. Actually, it's too much. For me, for my family, for everybody.
Keep going
As a kid, I remember noticing moments of peace. It would happen usually when I was physically active or in nature. Those blissful moments where I was present for a second, just open, curious, happy. I knew joy existed. So I kept going even when I did not want to.
And then I found Ashtanga.
Wring it out
The first time I practiced Ashtanga Mysore style I was hooked. I got fully absorbed in the flow of the practice. Synchronizing movements and breath, remembering the sequence, bandhas, drishti…as well as the high level of stamina it required…the result was always the same: I was starting to tame my anxiety. I was squeezing, twisting, bending the excess fire (or water depending on the day…) out of my system. Ashtanga was and still is wringing me out.
So 6 days a week, I step on my mat and tire the Monster out.
Discipline
Some practices are harder than others. But unless I’m sick or my schedule/life does not allow it, I show up. I just do it. As best as I can.
Ashtangis practice for different reasons. For mental health, to keep the body healthy, for fun, for the community. But me, I practice so I can live, not survive. And also… Because I LOVE IT.