Before Ashtanga
20 Years Ago
20 years ago (God, I’m old), I went with a friend to my first Hot 26 Yoga class (named differently back then). Despite feeling very depleted by this sweaty class where I died a little bit, I also felt great. My big inner monster was quiet for a minute or two. WOW! Something just happened. For a full moment, I felt calm and present, two qualities that were not part of my ordinary life.
Since my very young age, I’ve been struggling with general anxiety disorder, OCD behavior, insomnia, and a major phobia that completely ruled my life. I’ve always been very functional; it’s just that my inner world was not very pretty. But this was my life, and I just did not know until my young twenties that maybe I did not have to live (survive) that way. If you are interested in knowing more about my OCD brain, I’ll make another post dedicated to that subject. Not to just complain publicly about my situation, but so someone built with a similar brain and nervous system can relate and maybe have hope. I’m always open to answering questions (even personal ones, so be comfortable asking).
After realizing how this intense workout was making me feel, I started going more often to yoga, timing classes with studying hours, and it definitely helped me finish my university degree by calming a tiny bit my screaming hamster. I always used movement to help me cope with life/anxiety, but this felt different. I knew I was onto something good for me. So I kept showing up on my mat, changing studios, but always hoping for this moment of stillness that could happen.
10 Years Ago
About 10 years ago, I was practicing yoga in Montreal pretty regularly at a great vinyasa studio now named Studio Mile-End (I recommend it if you like Vinyasa style yoga and either live or visit Montreal). I was practicing pretty much every day, but I felt hungry for more. I wanted to dive deeper into the practice. My best friend told me I should try something called Ashtanga Vinyasa. That there was this great teacher in Montreal named Mark Darby and that he was teaching Mysore Style Ashtanga. What? Mysore? What does that even mean? She told me that I should just show up one morning and ask to be taught…
So I did. I walked up the stairs at Equilibrium on St-Laurent in Montreal with my mat under my arm, feeling a little nervous to start something different. But what I saw through the big inner window was terrifying but beautiful. I was witnessing a full class of practitioners doing all kinds of impressive postures. Everyone seemed very focused. Proficient. No way I was just going to open the door and join that class that clearly had already started… I thought I knew yoga, but my ego was sent to square one. I was a beginner. I texted my friend, describing the intimidating situation, and she told me to stop thinking and to open the door. And I was right; I was a beginner, but what a great place to be when you enter a Mysore room. Dan (a very kind, generous, knowledgeable teacher) took me by the hand and showed me the basics.
I was taught Ashtanga the traditional way, one posture at a time. I was told to remember the short sequence I was given and that they would build on it once I was ready. I was told to come back the next day and to practice it again. So I did. And I learned SO much. I received many detailed corrections and adjustments. I was in a private class in a group setup. Attention was right away brought to the breath, bandhas, and their relation to the vinyasa. It all made so much sense to me. I was getting more and more absorbed in the practice I was diving into, like I wanted. My body was changing, adapting to the sequence. And despite that strong feeling of wanting to get better, stronger, faster, I was forced to accept my body as it was that day, that week, that year. There is so much to learn through Ashtanga, and I’ll try in this monthly journal of an ordinary practitioner to share my experience. The everyday struggles, the insights, the discoveries. If it interests you, great. If it does not, no problem; there are plenty of amazing things to read on the subject. But here’s my simple contribution.